(03/08/1944) Grady McMurtry to Aleister Crowley

1475th Ord MM Co (Avn)(Q)
APO 638, U.S. Army
8 March 1944

Care Frater A.C.

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Is there some other initial I can address you by in letters? The Cara Frater is so formal.

I don’t blame you for not being very happy about me; Neither am I. I am in a good position from a practical point of view, no doubt, but there is a catch. Responsibility. And it cannot be brushed lightly aside if I wish to keep or better my position. What is my responsibility? First – my men; they must be fed, clothed, taken care of, their moral kept high and they must be trained, trained so well that they can carry on if I should fall. Melodramatic? Maybe. Second – my work in the field. A unit exists only to accomplish its mission – and my men must not only be soldiers but also know their work. Is it little wonder that when I relax I try to relax totally? So you see that this is a good position – yes – but also a restricted one. As a leader men follow my example as a soldier; therefore I must be the best soldier in the outfit – and that is a restriction when it comes to the Work – for how can I expect them to put their faith in some raving maniac who goes skipping over the fields adoring the advent of spring? If I were a free agent it would be different; if I were adept it would be different – If. But I’m not adept and I’m not a free agent – and I am most unhappy about the whole affair.

I was in apathetic gloom when you did the Adorations? Yes, quite. And why shouldn’t I be? I’m going on 26 now. I’ve been in the army long enough that I am drawing longevity pay – and the war may be over in ten months – or ten years. And how much of the Great Work have I accomplished? Nothing. Absolutely nothing! The best years of my life trickling through my fingers – and even that is a selfish view when I think of my fallen comrades. Have I mastered the secrets of the Temple, is my work well on its way, can I even show you so much as a simple adoration, some small ceremony of my own, for your judgement as to whether or not I am on the right track? No. It is true that I did not stand up and cheer when you were making the Adorations – but that does not mean that I wasn’t thinking of them. One thing I was thinking of, which may be erroneous, was that the Adorations you were performing were your own particular property – Are they supposed to be a function of all members of the Lodge? If so my mistake probably came about by never having seen other members perform same.

Restriction has hampered my application to the Work – but much of my work is done with the surface mind while I go on thinking – deeply and slowly – perhaps as Sterling said:

Where the deep tides roll mightly
On dark Galilee

Or is Galilee deep enough to make that apt? Anyway in my way I come to certain conclusions, and usually know shy. And some of my conclusions do not appear to agree with what you have told me. I use “appear” because upon analysis I usually find that what you have told me is true – as far as it goes. But it doesn’t go far enough. It only takes in part of the total problem. My conclusions are now complete enough that I may lay them before you. Your campaign problem appears to me to be only part of a total project. And the lesser part at that. After all – even if we don’t clear your name today it will be cleared when the Law of Thelema is accepted. So the main problem is to give the Law a fair chance to be accepted. That is the grand plan. Of course if, as you point out, we can get your name cleared now, that will boost the other. But there are greater forces at work. Again I refer to a basic change in living that would make the Law of Light, Life, Love and Liberty as natural as making a profit is today. For the two are integral. The number of thinking people, that is people who will take time to “think,” analysis and come to a conclusion on the Law, any conclusion, is negligible in comparison to the majority – yet to say that the majority are therefore morons is childish. Not up to the standard we want perhaps – but certainly not morons. It is with this in mind that I have reviewed the “Scientific Solution” and have inclosed my findings on that.
I know that I have gone over some of this before – especially the economic part. And that you chose to disregard it because it is in the future. But you can not disregard it – for the present Aeon encompasses this very future! Realize that. These economic forces are at work and sooner or later – sooner in some parts of the world – they will make themselves manifest. Already they are laying off men in the States. Already the bulk of the equipment has been furnished. Already they are reconverting to peace time manufacture – do you realize what that means? It’s bad enough if you do not but if you will not then I can’t make you.

Instead of writing the rest as part of the letter I’ve written them down separately. The inclosures include (1) outline for the campaign in duplicate so you can correct one copy and send it back if you wish, (2) notes on “Scientific solution”, (3) notes on why outline is incomplete, (4) poem “The Seeker“.

Love is the law, love under will.


Note: Originally published in Thelema Lodge Calendar, September 2001.